Happy Adoption Day!

In honor of Penguin's adoption day ...

a Great adoption-related post. 

10 years & 2 days ago today, Hubby & I stood in a Russian court room as they threw any and every kind of question at us.  We even had to explain what a mortgage is ... apparently they don't exist in Russia??

Stuck

Sadly, the world of adoption is a mess and it seems to be becoming a bigger mess.  I won't get into all the politics of adoption today, but I wanted to share a video of my sister.

Stuck - Adoption Documentary

Gerda Weissmann Klein on Adoption and the film STUCK from Both Ends Burning Campaign on Vimeo.

Check your local listings to see if this movie will be shown in your city or go HERE to sign the petition.

She's Goooooood

This morning when I was driving, I noticed an African-American (or "chocolate" according to Peacock) woman walking down the street with a young girl that I assumed was her granddaughter. On my way home, I saw this same pair still out on their morning stroll. It made me think about my Peacock and how she will probably never go for a morning walk with either of her "brown" grandmothers. There is a part of me that feels guilty for the things my daughter can not have because she calls me mom.

The house is quiet right now, so I'm going through old photos and editing.  I played with this photo my husband took about six weeks ago and ended up with this sassy picture of my Peacock.  I love this photo of her because her little personality that I know so well shines through and, in my opinion, she looks like the spitting image of her birthmother in this photo. 

Again ... my mind wanders back to the people & things she lost early in her life, but I am so thankful for the sacrifices that were made by many so that I could call her mine!

As I was typing up this post, she came in to visit with me.  I was listening to Pandora and the following (see below) song came on.   "This is a gooooood song, " she quickly announced and no goooooood song is complete without some shaking of a cute, round bottom and the clickity-clack of the beads in her braids.

Kyiv Ukraine Temple

A Little Something for my Eastern European Friends & Family ...

A Trip Down Memory Lane: Peacock's Adoption Story

November is National Adoption Month, but more importantly it is the month that sweet Peacock joined our family.  There probably hasn't been a single day go by in the last four years that I haven't thought of Peacock's birthmother/family.  Around this time each year, and this year was no exception, my thoughts wander to her birthmother more frequently ... almost a bit obsessive at times. (I've been to her Facebook page numerous times this past week ....) My mind races with questions like:  Where are they (the birthfamily) now? What are they up to? Have they been receiving the letters and photos I send them? Does it break their hearts to open those letters and photos or is it something they're OK with now?  What are their lives like now? How can someone be so selfless to give their baby to someone else to raise? Now that I've been through pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery, my respect for birth mothers is even greater. I remember sitting with Turkey when he was a newborn and, in quiet moments, I often wondered what it would be like to be sitting there without a baby to hold and knowing that someone else was holding my baby. I can not imagine a greater sacrifice except the sacrifice made for us by Jesus Christ.

When we left Arizona to attend dental school in Pittsburgh, Hubby & I were under the impression that we would not be able to adopt another child until after graduation. I guess I just figured that Penguin would be 6 years old (or older) before she got a sibling or I'd have to pursue infertility treatments ... neither idea sounded very appealing.

After we were in PA for about six months and somewhat settled, the local social worker for our agency came to do a post-placement visit for Penguin to be sent to Russia. When she met with us, she asked if we'd like to adopt again. She told us that laws were different in PA, that she could approve us to adopt again, & that all the medical, dental, & law students have gotten babies while attending school there.

After we were approved to adopt in PA, we started getting some interest from birth mothers and we were almost chosen several times, but it just wasn't happening. We put our profile online in a few places. We were involved in an adoption scam ... a woman was looking for money who said she worked with birth mothers. This turned into a huge mess involving families all over the country and the FBI even got involved ... I believe this woman is now in jail. She got our hopes up and we were let down and angered that someone would try to take advantage of us. How cruel! Finally one day in July, our social worker called and said she was on her way to visit a birth mom and was wondering if it would be OK with us if she showed our profile to this birth mom, "M". Later that day we got a call from our social worker saying we were the family that M picked & that M was having an African-American boy on November 17th. We were so excited!! A boy!!

Hubby spent his summer break studying for and taking the board exams cause we knew we didn't want to save that for after a baby came. I painted our extra bedroom, bought a dresser, set up the crib, shopped for boy clothes and started thinking about names for this little boy ... I liked Spencer. We were thrilled and couldn't wait until November to bring home our sweet baby.

On September 11th, I was getting ready to go pick-up a friend cause we were going to go to the farmers market together. The phone rang; it was our social worker. She asked if Hubby was at home ... my mind started spinning & wondering what she could want ... no, Hubby wasn't home. She broke the news to me that "M" (the birth mom) had been offered about $10K to place her baby with an agency in Utah ... totally illegal for the agency and "M" to do this! It took a few minutes for this to process in my mind and then I lost it. My heart literally hurt & felt like it was breaking. I can't think of anything in my life that was more emotionally painful to me than this experience of losing the baby boy that I had hoped and planned for. Poor Penguin was left to try and comfort me that afternoon. She brought me tissues and told me everything was going to be OK.

After taking a break from all the adoption stuff for a few weeks, we were again ready to move forward. By this time, I started having strong feelings that my child was out there somewhere and I needed to be more proactive in finding my child. I started visiting websites everyday that had photo listings of available children, sending our profile to every agency that would accept it, and spending countless hours a day looking for our child. A girl I went to church with is a social worker for Adoption Advertising, so we registered with that agency as well.

Around the beginning of October, Adoption Advertising called us with a situation...a 3 week old girl named "A" in Eastern PA. They told us up front that it was a "risky" situation because the birth mother, "C", had been caring for the baby for 3 weeks and had created a bond with baby "A". Also, in the state of PA, the birth parents have 30 days to come back for the child, so we could have "A" in our home for a month and then have to give "A" back to the birth parents. We thought about this situation and felt really good about moving forward. We had several phone conversations with "C" & "J" (birth father), exchanged email addresses, received photos of "A" and set up a time with "C" & "J" to go to their city to meet them and baby "A".

I remember it was a Wednesday and the same day my sister entered the MTC (Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT). We drove to "C" & "J's" city, met them at a mall and got to meet "A". We took them all out to lunch and "C" & "J" seemed to love us and said we were exactly what they dreamed of finding for their daughter. "J" had a book and letter that he wanted us to give to baby "A" someday. "C" sobbed uncontrollably as she knew her time with "A" was coming to an end. We called the lawyer to meet with "C" & "J" so they could go sign the adoption paperwork. We waited at a park nearby for the lawyer to bring the baby to us. I felt like I was going to puke ... I was so nervous. After a while we started to realize that too much time had passed & that something wasn't right. The lawyer finally showed up with no baby. I didn't know what to think. How many times was I expected to endure this pain? We drove home in complete silence for the entire 4 hour ride. We arrived home to voice mails from family members congratulating us on our new addition & Hubby had to go back to school the next day and face every one's questions.

By this time we were getting phone calls & emails several times a day about potential situations. Some interested us & we pursued them a little bit. We talked to a birth mom on the phone who was due to give birth any day with twin boys. Nothing felt right & nothing was working out.

I remember Halloween of 2006. Penguin & I had spent a lot of time on her cowgirl costume & I was upset that it was raining & that we couldn't go trick-or-treating. I also remember feeling somewhat depressed about not having two kids to dress up that evening. The next evening (Nov. 1), we received a phone call from Adoption Advertising & they offered us another situation that was considered "no risk" and that they were only offering to families who had previously experienced a failed adoption with their agency...a healthy baby girl born on Halloween somewhere in South Carolina & if this worked out, we'd have to leave the next morning to pick up this baby. That's all the info the agency had at that point and they could only give Hubby & I about 20 minutes to think about it because lawyers were already on their way to meet the birth parents and have them, "C" & "M", sign paperwork and pick up the baby. Hubby & I talked quickly and decided we felt good about moving forward. "C" & "M" were presented with three adoptive families to pick from and about 30 minutes later we received a phone call informing us that we were the chosen family for their baby. We were given a few minutes to gather our thoughts and then we talked on the phone with "C" & "M" for about 30 minutes. We wanted to talk longer, but the agency wanted to give "C" & "M" time to talk and make sure they felt good about everything before the lawyer showed up at their hotel to get the baby. For hours we paced the floors ... do we get our hopes up and pack the car? or just sit and wait? Around 10:30pm another phone call came saying everything went perfectly, all paperwork had been signed, and OUR baby was in the care & custody of the lawyer.

The morning of November 2nd was a whirlwind. Hubby had to attend a couple classes that morning, so Penguin & I ran around like crazy people, got everything packed, and I think we finally got out of the house around 11am without a single newborn diaper or outfit (cause we didn't have any) for our new daughter. After a long day's drive, we made it to the lawyer's office around 8:30pm and there was our baby - so small and sweet. We held her and took a few photos, but we were anxious to get out of there cause we were tired, hungry and Penguin didn't even have a shirt on under her coat cause she had gotten sick on the way down. And what a weird feeling to walk into a lawyer's office with one child and walk out with two. Thank goodness the secretaries had gone to Wal-Mart that day and bought Peacock some diapers and a pair of jammies. After signing a couple papers, we put Peacock into the car and set out to find a hotel. As soon as we got settled in the hotel, we started emailing photos of this little girl we had just met and were already growing to love so much.

When we left Pittsburgh, we expected to stay in South Carolina for a long weekend and that we'd be able to return home with Peacock quickly. On Sunday, November 5th, we realized Peacock wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere, so Hubby rented a car and returned to Pittsburgh for school while I waited for word that it was OK to return home. After much frustration, being stuck in a hotel room with a 3 year old & newborn for a couple weeks, Hubby renting cars & driving back & forth a few times, we finally got a court date of November 17th ... on the other side of the state! So, I packed up all our stuff and the girls into my car, drove across the state and found a new hotel to stay in until we could go to court. Thank goodness Hubby was able to get out of school and join us for court. "M", the birth mom, also came to court so we were able to meet her. Of course we were nervous about meeting her, but once we met and started talking, we relaxed and were thankful for the opportunity we had to spend time with her and get to know her a little bit. I'm sure it will be a story that Peacock will want to hear many times as she grows up.

A couple days after court, we were finally able to return to PA with Peacock! It was wonderful to be able to return home and eat real food ... eating out every day for all 3 meals for several weeks quickly loses it's flare! We got home just a few days before Thanksgiving and thankfully some other dental students invited us to join them for their Thanksgiving get together.

Meant for Each Other: An Adoption Story

Or read the story HERE.  Very nice interview that puts adoption in a positive light.  I don't know that I agree 100% with everything Scott says, but I really enjoyed the article & interview, so I wanted to share.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but  please do not leave comments with profanity!

I also came across this blog today.  Check it out if you have been involved in or are interested in trans-racial adoption.

How to Irritate a Birth Mother ....

I recently came across this very enlightening :) blog post that I wanted to share with my readers.  I agree with her (the author of this post) that most people don't try to offend, but sometimes they do, esp when feelings are already tender.   Enjoy!

How To Irritate a Birth Mother

by: http://www.thehappiestsad.blogspot.com/

I love being a birth mother. Knowing that I helped to create an eternal family, that my sweet baby won’t want for anything including a father, means the world to me. Adoption is such an amazing thing and I am blessed to have it (and Roo) in my life.

But there are times when I wish I didn’t feel the burden of responsibility, the need to educate the world about adoption. I wish I didn’t have to be an adoption myth buster and tell people why they shouldn’t ask the questions they do.

I believe that for the most part, most people are mostly good. I know that people don’t mean to offend me or other birth mothers when they say the things they do. But the fact remains that they have offended me, or bothered me, or irritated me, or made me want to smack them.

I know that there are a number of similar such lists floating around the internet, but I feel the need to add my two cents’ worth. So here is my list of things one shouldn’t say to a birth mother.

1. “Didn’t you want her?”

“Are you serious?” is how I always want to respond to this. I don’t know a single birth mother who didn’t want her baby. I wanted Roo more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. If I had to choose between breathing and Roo, Roo would win every time. I wanted her, and I do want her, and I love her. But this wasn’t about me or what I wanted. It couldn’t be. It had to be about what was best for Roo, and adoption was it.

2. “I could never do that.”

This one is infamous in the adoption world. I think this of all statements is the one that most would consider harmless. But when I hear that, I want to ask, “Why? Why couldn’t you do that? Wouldn’t you want the best for your baby?” So often the tone in which it is said implies that the birth mother has erred or acted impulsively or been careless, or that she did it because she doesn’t love her child. Adoption is not a choice made lightly or impulsively, and it is certainly not made because of a lack of love. Adoption *is* love. As my friend Tamra says, if I’d loved my baby just an ounce less, I would have kept her. I placed her because I love her.

I also liked Tamra’s advice to me on dealing with this comment. She said to tell people, “No, you probably couldn’t,” in a tone that implies that I am a much stronger person than they are.

If you would say to a birth mom, “I could never do that” to try to tell her that you admire her strength and courage, consider phrasing it differently. Just tell her that you admire her strength and courage and that you can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her.

3. “I’m sure you did what was best for you.”

Someone actually said this to me and I wanted to hurt them. Does anyone really, truly believe that I chose adoption for my sake? It wasn’t best for me. What was best for me was keeping and parenting the daughter I loved so very much. Placing her was hell for me, certainly not best for me. If it was about me, I’d still be a single mother. I did what was best for Roo. Period.

4. “Will she call you mom when she’s older?”

Of course not. Why would she? I’m not her mother. M is her mother. She can call me whatever she wants to. “Jill” would work just fine.

5. “Won’t she be confused about who her mom is, having you in her life?”

Well, let’s see. One of us will feed her, dress her, bathe her, read to her, sing songs with her, play with her, teach her, give her hugs and kisses and tend to her boo-boos and take her to primary and listen when she talks and make sure she’s happy and healthy and smart, be married to Roo’s father and live in the same home, in short, be her mother; and one of us will … visit from time to time. Nope, sorry, I don’t see any confusion there.

Roo will know that she grew in my tummy before she was born, and that I made sure she got to her mommy and daddy. I don’t think she will ever, for a second, be confused about exactly who is her mother.

Going along with that question, people will opine that openness must surely mess with a child’s identity and sense of self. Well, how on earth does having more people in Roo’s life who love her, mess with her? You can’t spoil a child with love. Roo has two families who love her. She will know exactly who she is. Studies show that open adoption is mutually beneficial. All members of the adoption triad find peace and joy in openness.

6. “Oh, you took the easy way out.”

This is another statement that makes me want to hurt the speaker. There hasn’t been a single easy thing about adoption. I didn’t place Roo because being her mother was too hard. Being a mother wasn’t something I wanted out of! What was hard was placing her for adoption. I have never felt sorrow and despair so deep as I did when I drove home from LDSFS without Roo in the car. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the pain nearly undid me. Don’t think for one second that adoption is the easy way out. It’s not easy and it’s not an out.

7. “Well, now that she’s been adopted, you can get back to being young and having fun.”

Oh, honestly. I couldn’t believe it when someone said that to me. Did they really think that I placed Roo because she was interfering with my social life? I would take Roo over fun and youth in a second. But I can’t have Roo. So I go out with friends instead. That doesn’t mean I placed her so I could go out and have fun.

8. “You made the right decision.” (said with an air of judgmental superiority)

Well, thanks. I’m sure glad to know that you thought I made the wrong decision when I single parented for nine weeks. And thanks for judging me and deciding what’s right for me and my baby, too. Because that was totally your call to make.

Adoption was the right decision for Roo, but not right away, and I don’t think that it’s the right decision for everyone. When someone says this to me, I wonder what they say to single mothers, women who chose parenting over adoption. “You made the wrong decision”? How rude and judgmental!

Yes, I made the right decision for Roo. But the rightness of it was for me to determine, and I don’t need anyone else to confirm it for me.

9. “You know, you could have sold her for millions! People will pay a killing for a healthy white baby.”

People will say this jokingly, but it always makes me sick. A child is not a commodity to be bought and sold. I didn’t place her for any kind of physical gain and I never, ever would. No one should. Period.

10. “Will she know that you’re her real mom?”

Sorry, I’m not her “real” mom. M is. And what’s a real mom, anyway? I didn’t place Roo with a family of cardboard cutouts. Calling me Roo’s real mom implies that M is … what, her fake mom? Uh-uh. I am Roo’s birth mother, not her real mother. Same goes for the phrase “natural mother.” What constitutes an unnatural mother? There’s a lot of negative adoption language out there I’d like to change, like …

11. “Oh, what made you decide to give your baby away?”

Excuse me, but I didn’t give her away. I didn’t put up an ad on Craigslist, “I’m giving away my baby, does anyone want her?” I placed her for adoption, but I certainly didn’t and wouldn’t ever give her away. I gave her a family. People who ask this question always want to know when P and M will tell Roo that she’s “not really theirs.” That’s funny. I was under the impression that she was really theirs. Hmm. That’s news to me! Whose is she then?

I’m sure I’ve neglected to mention a few other words and phrases that I loathe hearing, but this is the list for now. One last thing that bothers me is how many people pretend I never had Roo at all. So many people ask how I’ve been, but so few ever think to ask how Roo is doing. I don’t want to ignore those 9 weeks of my life. They are precious and wonderful. I had a baby, and I placed her for adoption. Please don’t pretend none of it happened!

And for the record, I think the best thing to say to a birth mother is, “What a brave woman you are. You must love your baby so much to have done that for her.” And leave it at that, folks, unless she wants to talk.

 

Our first family photo with Peacock.  Just 24 hours before this photo was taken, we knew nothing about baby Peacock.  It was a whirlwind adventure and you'll have to excuse our appearance cause we had just climbed out of the car after a 10+hr drive, it was late at night, and, as you can imagine, we were kinda in shock!

Families Supporting Adoption Conference

On October 8-9, 2010, there is going to be a Southwest Regional Conference put on by the Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) organization.  The conference will be held in Tempe, Arizona.

If you'd like more information, go HERE.

The link above takes you to a homepage, but even if you aren't interested in attending the conference, you might find some helpful information related to adoption when you click on RELATED LINKS.

Berry Crepes

In continuation of our Russian/Adoption celebrations, we made crepes for breakfast.  When I was a kid, crepes were something I looked forward to and they were always a special treat.  My kids ... not really fans which I just don't get cause they devour pancakes and we filled them with all kinds of sweet goodies. 

I used to always make crepes for General Conference breakfast, but haven't in 4 or 5 years.  This time around, I tried a new recipe.  The recipe looked good and included things like brown sugar, but I think it was a poorly written recipe cause my flour never mixed in ... just got clumpy and sank to the bottom of the bowl.

I know crepes aren't really Russian, but we can count them as European, right?  And we were served blintzes while in Russia which are pretty much the same thing.  I'm not sure what you fill your crepes with, but we like:

• Ice cream
• Fruit & berries
• Pie filling
• Sauces & syrups
• Nutella
• Puddings & custards
• Powdered sugar on top
• Whipped cream

Oh Happy Day!

I can't believe it's been SEVEN years since Penguin became ours.  Someday I'd love to write more about her adoption story and how she came to be mine, but not today cause today I wanted to play. 

Seven years ago today, Hubby & I stood in a Russian court room with high hopes that a little someone would soon call us daddy & mommy.  Penguin is my oldest (a tough spot to have sometimes ... I should know!) and I'll be eternally grateful to her for making me a mom.

I'm kinda glad that Daddy had the day off work today cause we were able to do some things that we might not have done otherwise.  We also decided last minute to have a little dinner party ... we made Primanti Bro's sandwiches with homemade fries & slaw.  I also made a couple batches of Russian Tea Cakes (some of you may call them Mexican Wedding Cakes) to go along with our dinner.  I tried a new recipe this time and although it's a very simple recipe, I think this one had a very nice flavor & texture, so I thought I'd share it with ya. 

Russian Tea Cakes:

(24 small cookies)

Recipe by Maida Heatter with a few of my variations. :)

1/4 lb (1 stick) unsalted butter

2 T confectioners sugar (plus more for sprinkling over the cookies after they have baked)

1/2 t vanilla extract (I don't usually measure my vanilla, but I'm pretty sure I put at least 1 whole teaspoon into my batter ... the more, the merrier!)

1 C sifted all-purpose flour

2 1/2 oz. walnuts, chopped very fine, but not ground

~Adjust the rack 1/3 down from the top of the oven.  Preheat oven to 375* F.

~In a small bowl, beat the butter with an electric mixer until softened a bit.  Add sugar & vanilla & beat 1-2 minutes.  On the lowest speed add the flour and then the walnuts, beating until the dough holds together.

~Remove from mixer.  Use a scant tablespoon of dough (most of mine were probably more like a heaping tablespoon) for each cookie.  Roll into 1-inch balls.  Place 1 inch apart on unbuttered cookie sheet.  Bake about 15 minutes, reversing position of sheet during baking, until lightly colored.

~With a metal spatula, transfer to a rack to cool.  When completely cool, strain confectioners sugar generously over the tops.  I took some liberties here by dumping a bunch of confectioners sugar in a small bowl and then I just rolled my cookies in the sugar so they were completely coated in sugar.

When I made these, I doubled the recipe.  From the time I started getting out ingredients until I pulled the last sheet out of the oven was about 45 minutes ... not bad if you're looking for a simple & quick dessert idea.

An Adoption Story

Before we adopted Penguin, we had a group of friends from church that we'd hang-out with for Sunday dinner, birthday parties, etc.  It's been fun to watch each of our families change & grow over the past 7 or 8 years.  One friend, who has since moved away, makes all our blogs beautiful ... isn't she so awesome & talented.  In honor of my Penguin's "Gotcha Day" tomorrow, I'd like to share another good friend's adoption story. Just think of her as my guest blogger for the day. :)  Thanks for sharing your story with us!!

from Gods arms, to My arms, to Yours.....

By: http://lovinlifewithmymen.blogspot.com/

LONG POST WARNING!!!

I was asked to write my adoption experence for an adoption newsletter, so I thought I would include it on my blog. (don't feel obliged to keep reading)

Mark and I were married quickly after a long distance courtship. I moved to Arizona after our Scottish wedding.

We wanted to have children right away but after months of disappointment and negative pregnancy tests, we knew something was wrong. We spoke to the doctor who referred us to a specialist. It was then that we discovered that it was going to be imposable for us to conceive naturally. Everywhere I looked there seemed to be pregnant ladies. And every conversation seemed to focus on labour stories and epidurals. I felt so lonely.

We threw ourselves into adoption. I was completely obsessed with getting paperwork done, making profiles, doing fingerprints, EVERYTHING that needed to be done. It was HARD work but my fuel was my desire to be a mother. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning, and my last thought of the day.

On Aug 6th 2003 We raced to Iowa to meet our birthmother Sandra, We were nervous and excited all rolled into one, we went out for dinner and got to know each other. It was so exciting. The next day, We got the call. He was born! Our son. We raced to the hospital to meet him. We named him Jacob. We fell in love with him instantly. The hospital set us up in a little side room off of the nursery where (for the next 3 days) we stayed with our boy. We fed him, we changed him, we cradled him, we loved him, we sat in the rocking chair and planned our future with our new precious son.

Nothing could have prepared us for the news.... Sandra had changed her mind! She had decided that she did not want him to be placed for adoption. We were devastated beyond belief. We returned home to arizona with an empty car seat and a broken heart.

Three months later, We headed to Utah where we met Ann. We had planned to spend the day getting to know her, but the baby had other plans. She went into labor through the night and we got an early morning call and raced to the hospital. When we got there, she was in labor and invited us in to the room to witness the birth. We were honored. We sat in awe as we watched his amazing birth and then the doctor placed him in my arms. It was the best feeling in the world. We named him Kyle (a family name of the birthmother). I was very worried that history would repeat itself and that she might change her mind. But this was to be our child and we were able to take our boy home to arizona and raise him. Six months later we finalized the adoption, and a week later we were sealed to our son. It was one of the highlights of my life!

A year later we had a successful round of fertility treatments and I was able to carry a pregnancy and delivered a beautiful son we named Brody. Two years later with more fertility help we conceived and delivered our third son Owen. Life with three boys was busy but perfect. Life was full and happy beyond belief.

In February this year we learned of a situation that involved a friend of ours and her sweet sister Tia (from Puerto Rico). She came to stay with her sister here in Arizona to have the baby. Her plan was to place the baby for adoption so she could be sealed to a family. We were not looking to adopt at this time, as Owen was very young and also, we had found the fertility route was working well for us in our desire to grow our family. However I could not get this girl out of my mind. When I saw her at church I felt very drawn to her. One evening I felt very prompted to volunteer ourselves as a potential option Tia could consider. There are so many small details that are too sacred to share.

Very quickly we found ourselves "matched" with the birthmother. There was a special connection there that nobody could deny. The baby was due in about 2 months, We were not home study certified there was soo much to do! We were able to move fast and got through the stacks of paperwork in just one week! LDS adoption said we might have broken the record for the fastest submitted paperwork EVER! We both felt that this child was meant to be part of our family, and we were determined to bring her home.

In April of this year, we were informed that the birthfather was making plans to come to AZ to contest the adoption! We considered the emotional and legal risks and both felt that we wanted to proceed. On April 23rd Tia went into labor and was rushed to the hospital she was given an emergency c-section due to the breech presentation of the baby. Mark and myself waited outside the room until it was time to meet her. I was allowed in first and as I held her in my arms the tears fell from my eyes. She was the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen! We named her Ava Grace. We took the baby in the nursery and fed her and cuddled with her. When Mark's dad got there Tia had requested a blessing so we all went in to her recovery room to be there for the blessing. This was potentially an awkward moment for us all, as this was the first time Tia saw the baby. We were all in the room together, but the only thing anyone could feel was complete LOVE and PEACE. It was such a beautiful and special feeling.

I spent the next few days in Tia's hospital room with her. Me Ava and Tia. It was soo comfortable and special to be able to have all this time together. I felt like I needed to be a sponge and soak up as much of Tia as I could, so that I would be able to give it to Ava. Oh I forgot to mention Tia speaks fluent spanish and her english is extremely limited, but this was not a problem for us. We found ourselves communicating without any problems. It is especially interesting as I have a thick scottish accent and people usually struggle to understand me, but this was not a problem for Tia. Infact I found myself translating for her often!

When we left the hospital Mark and I took our new baby home. It was a beautiful day!

That same evening, we got a phonecall from LDS social services, telling us that the birthfather was in town! He had flown in from Puerto Rico. We were stressed and anxious that this baby girl that we loved so much, might not get to stay! The birthfather had 30 days from the time of being served notice to file a petition with the court. We were to wait this out acknowledging the fact that she might be removed from our home, leaving behind a painful hole in our hearts. It was the most intense few weeks of our lives! But on the 31st day after his notice was served, The agency checked the court and there was nothing filed! The adoption could proceed! It was the biggest relief of my life! I was literally dancing about in my living room!!!

We met with Tia where she signed away her parental rights, and we signed our adoption placement papers. We explained to our boys that Tia was agreeing to give the baby to us, and that we were promising that we will always love and care for the baby. (an adoption covenant)

The next day Tia was to fly home to Puerto rico. It was an emotional day for us all. We had gone through this intense few months together, and had felt such an emotional connection to each other. There were many tears and hugs. She flew home that night!

We are currently in the adoption process awaiting finalization. We have our courtdate set and our sealing is scheduled. This is what JOY feels like!

So here we are now, our family. Our special little family. Each of our children came into our family one by one. Each with their own amazing stories. One thing that I have learned throughout this experience is that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of his precious children. He is in charge of where they go. I am grateful that he has trusted me to be the mother of these precious spirits. I love my amazing children and am honored to be their mummy. I love our birthmothers and their courage and strength. They are both hero's to me. We will always be grateful for the amazing sacrifices they made on behalf of these children. My advice to anyone anxiously waiting to be parents is, do your part, then let the Lord do his part. It will happen in His time. Only in His time. Be ready!

It is worth the heartache, the pain, the hard work, the waiting, the disappointments. It is WORTH IT!!!!

(The names of our precious birthmothers have been changed to respect their privacy)

Hair Books

A couple weeks ago, I blogged about the book, The Colors of Us by Karen Katz.  I looked online a bit to find this book and ended up ordering it through Amazon.  Amazon is a dangerous place because they show you other similar books when you are getting ready to place your order.  I succombed to the pressure and ordered a couple other books for Peacock.

Nappy Hair by Carolivia Herron

I Love My Hair by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley

Great books for little girls who might wear their hair in rows & beads!

The Colors of Us

On a recent trip to the library, we checked out the book The Colors of Us by Karen Katz.  The first page of the book reads, "My name is Lena, and I am seven. Mom says I am the color of cinnamon.  Mom says she could eat me up."  How cute is that?  Peacock has decided that she is chocolate brown like birthday cupcakes! I recommend this book for all kids, but particularly for kids who are adopted and might not be the same color as the rest of their family.  It's a great way to help kids learn that all colors are beautiful in their own, special way.  I think we'll be adding this book to our family library!!

"Hope for the Children" with American Idol's Brooke White

If you would like to support adoption & foster care or learn more about these topics, a wonderful event is being planned in Gilbert, AZ this month.

A concert will be held on May 29th at Gilbert High with American Idol's Brooke White. It will be combined with a vocal competition for youth ages 12-25 to compete for a cash award, the title of "Ambassador for Children", and a trip to a Mexican orphanage to perform for the children there. The internet registration deadline for kids wanting to register for the preliminary auditions ended last night, but they will be accepting walk-ins.  Auditions are Wednesday night at Val Vista Lakes Clubhouse from 4-9.

Please visit their WEBSITE for more information.

 

Black Hair

I don't typically do Peacock's hair.  I feel like I don't really know how to care for her hair properly and it's so much harder to style than I ever imagined.  Ms. Donna usually comes to our house every other week to do Peacock's hair.  I pay Ms. Donna $40, which I think is really reasonable considering she comes to our house, has a flexible schedule, and Peacock loves her.  She typically spends 2-3 hours at our house when she comes.  (I have Peacock's hair out of the previous style & washed before Ms Donna comes over.)

When we lived in Pittsburgh, we took Peacock to Wal-Mart's salon a couple of times to get her hair styled ... I think after a tip, we usually spent about $60, so Peacock only got her hair done for special occasions.  I always had plenty of friends or people from church offer to come over & help me with her hair, but for whatever reason that just seemed too hard to actually do with two babies ... I couldn't sit for hours doing hair.  Just. could. not. 

By the time Peacock was almost 3 years old, I just felt like I needed some serious help and I had a little more cash in my pocket, so we hooked up with Ms. Donna.  Ms. Donna has been on bed rest for the last couple of weeks, so it's been up to me to do Peacock's hair again ....

I was getting tired of it looking like this:

 ... always matted, dry, & full of tangles.

Last night when I got home, my good husband had given all the kids a bath and washed 3 heads of hair.  After breakfast this morning, I felt determined to do something about Peacock's hair.  So, I came up with this:

Not the greatest pics, but I think you get the idea.

So, for all you adoptive momma's out there, I thought I'd share what I did and maybe sometime you can share some ideas & tips.

Here are my supplies:

#11: (not pictured) A hand towel ... something to wipe your hands on cause they're going to get wet & greasy.

#10: Super Stretch hair elastics.  I got mine from Sally's ... 500 for $1.39.  Now I know every black woman you talk to says to never use them, but cause they're so cheap, I just chop them out with scissors when it's time for a new hair-do.  SO much easier than trying to pick the hair off a cute elastic you paid more money for.  And you can always put the cuter hair elastics top of the black ones.

#9: Hair Straightener.  Peacock has her own ... I do NOT share my nice Chi straightener with her because I don't want the grease off her hair getting into my hair.  I got Peacock's straightener at Costco for about $35 and it works really well.

#8: Leave-In Conditioner &/or Detangler Spray.  I have Motions brand pictured here, but even the Suave Kid's stuff works great.

#7: Blow dryer. 

#6: Spray bottle with water ... or just washed hair is even better.

#5: a good DVD to keep Peacock's attention

#4: Comb & Brush.  If you look closely, my comb has a long, metal, sharp end.  This is so helpful for making parts & then picking out skinny braids when it's time for a new style.  I've tried cheap versions of these combs from Wal-Mart & they're no good.  Go to Sally's or another hair supply place and get a nice one.  I most recently bought one for $12 from the professionals hair supply shop ... you'll have to have someone with a license get you in, but it's the best one I've found so far.  The brush is one that's supposed to be good for curly hair.

#3: Motions Shine Enhancing Pomade.  I think any pomade will work fine, but I think you can buy Motions brand at any local Wal-Mart.  Motions puts some glitter into theirs which is kinda fun.

#2: Organic Olive Oil Root Stimulator.  This is just a grease that I prefer these days.  Good for the scalp & hair.  Again, you can find this at Wal-Mart.

#1: Blue Magic Conditioner Hair Dress.  Another grease, but it's thicker than #2.  I avoid putting this on Peacock's scalp because it causes her scalp to get clogged & she gets lots of zits, but it's good to just put on the hair  ... it keeps the hair oily for weeks if the hair is in braids or twists.

K, so I didn't take pictures of the process cause I wasn't really planning on doing a post like this, so bear with me & feel free to ask lots of questions.

Step #1: After Peacock is comfy in a chair in front of the TV, I wet her hair down pretty well and spray in lots of detangler.  I then take her brush and pull the hair straight out from her head as I blow-dry her hair.  I go around her entire head always pulling the hair straight out as I keep the blow dryer aimed on whatever section of hair I'm working on at that moment.  When you've finished drying, the hair should be pretty poofy/fluffy with curls that are less tight than what you started with a few minutes ago.

Step #2: I take small sections of hair and comb some of product #2 (Olive Oil grease) through her hair.  While I've still have that small section of hair in my hand, I grab the straightener and straighten it.  Go around the entire head until all hair has been straightened.  Also, as I'm making these sections of hair, I generously rub lots of #2 on her scalp so by the time the hair is all straightened, I'm also done greasing the scalp.

Step #3: Now you've got much more manageable hair to work with & you can style however you want.  I decided to take the sharp end of my comb and make a zig-zag part so I could have two side pony tails.  After making my two ponytails, (the Easter Bunny brought the cute polka-dot elastics ... I think he found that at Target less than a week ago in the big girls' clothing section) I divided each pony tail in half.    K, so picture with me ... you're looking at one of the pony tails & you've got that pony tail divided in half.  Now I take product #1 and rub a bunch of grease into each 1/2 of the ponytail.  I make the hair as smooth as possible and twist each 1/2 clockwise.  If you're still following all this you should have two long twists now.  Take the two twists and wrap them around each other going COUNTER-clockwise ... don't lose your clockwise twist you already made while doing this.  I know photos would be really nice right about now.  Put one of your cheap black elastics in the end of the twist and you're done!  I decided to loop the end of her hair so the ends look a bit nicer.  Then you can decorate with bows, clips, or whatever you want.  I bit time consuming, but not too hard.

Before you walk away, take your pomade (product #3) and generously rub that into the hair (mostly around the edges) to smooth down fly-aways or shorter hairs that were too short to get into the pony tail.

Good luck!!

March 9, 2007

It has been almost three years since we were able to take Peacock to the Washington D.C. Temple to be sealed to our eternal family. YEAH!!

Here are the memories that I recorded a few years ago:

"We drove out there on a Thursday night and then got up and played most of the day Friday ... had to hit Tyson's Court!! Friday evening, we went back to our hotel room, changed into our Sunday clothes and headed towards the temple. It think it was supposed to be a 20 minute drive to the temple, but it turned into a drive that took an hour & a half because of rush hour traffic. Because we were running late by the time we got to the temple, there wasn't time for photos before our appointment.

Our wonderful friends Seth & Jane met us there. We're so happy that we could have someone join us for this special occasion. The girls were taken into a special children's room with toys, snacks, beds & some very fun grandma-like caregivers. Hubby & I worked on the appropriate paperwork and then we were ready to begin.

Seth, Jane, Hubby & I met in front of the sealing room and a few minutes later our girls came down the hall with their caregivers. Tears came to my eyes as I watched my girls coming nearer to me. They looked so beautiful in their white dresses. I can still see them now in my mind. An image I hope to never forget! Seth graciously accepted the duty of acting as one of our witnesses and before we knew it, Peacock was eternally ours!

After the ceremony, we were able to take a couple quick pictures outside, but by that time it was dark & rather chilly. Afterwards, our family, along with Seth & Jane, went to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner to celebrate."

I think I'll break out the "I am Special Today" plate next week & make Peacock a meal & dessert of her choice to celebrate this special occasion.

February 21, 2007

On February 21, 2007, Peacock officially became a member of our family.  There were some intense moments in that courtroom when we thought we were going to be sent back home (a 10-12 hour car ride) without a finalized adoption.  In the end, everything worked-out in our favor that day.  We are so thankful to have a little Peacock in our family!!

Adoption FHE

Because I'd like to promote events that I feel strongly about ....

This event is a Family Home Evening for couples considering adoption, just starting the process or waiting for the placement of their first child.  A lesson will be taught that will focus on adoption followed by treats & games.

January 25, 2010

7:00-8:30pm

Merrill & Mary Jordan's Home

3270 E. Ford Avenue, Gilbert, AZ  85234

Please RSVP 480-239-5056